Wednesday, October 26, 2011

my letterman jacket

Dear high school me,

Right now you're probably sitting in an overly air-conditioned classroom, shivering, wishing you had a jacket. At least, that's what you'll tell anyone who asks. What you really and truly wish is that you had a boyfriend, and if you're really going out on a limb here, a boyfriend who has a letterman jacket. Think about how warm you would be, swallowed up in a twice-your-size jacket that just reeks of manliness?

Well I've got news for you, sister. Something better awaits you. 

Ten years from now, when you're feeling a little chilly, you can slip on the letterman jacket's way cooler cousin: the white coat. 

Just like the letterman jacket, wearing the white coat will let everyone know that the coolest guy in school picked you. And when you wrap yourself up in the scratchy fabric and take a deep breath, you'll not only smell notes of manliness, but - bonus! - undertones of feet that haven't seen any personal hygiene in decades.  

Forget about patches, or varsity letters, or whatever it is that the cool kids put on their letterman jackets (I can't remember; it's been ten years. Do people even wear letterman jackets anymore?). When you run your fingers over the sleeve of the white coat, you'll find something better: mystery stains. Red, brown, and every color in between. Badges of pride, for sure, because getting squirted with bodily fluids is far superior to making the varsity football team. 

And the pockets. Oh, the pockets. Inside and outside, of varying sizes, most of which are perfect for stashing... miniature notebooks. So convenient! You'll never need a purse again.

So hang in there, high school me. And if I can give you one piece of advice, it's this: bring your own sweater. Because you won't have a boyfriend for a loooong time. {Also, don't really touch the mystery stains. Gross.}


  1. mystery stains! scratchiness! random objects! mmmmmm :) even better when it hasn't been washed in quite some time.

  2. haha I adore this! And it's so true! Those pockets can hold more than a purse (depending on what you're carrying that day). And the smell and stains?? Totally makes up for the varsity jacket ;)
    I'm off to ask my cousin (who is a freshman in high school) if they still wear these things and if they are a big deal like they used to be!

  3. I had my own letterman jacket in high school but I have to say the white coat totally wins. :-)

    Seriously, don't touch the mystery stains. . . Ew.

  4. I.

    It's like a real life depiction of a Taylor Swift song.

    Hilarious. I laugh in the face of the letterman jacket because I've got the man with the white coat!