Monday, January 14, 2013

true life: yoga




This is the true story of someone who may or may not be me. 

Every day I unroll my yoga mat, arrange my block, my towel and my water, and I thank the yoga god -- I believe her name is Lulu -- that I'm allowed to practice yoga.

Because I have a secret. I belong to a fancy yoga studio, where the classes consist of shirtless men with six packs and ponytails, and tattooed women with designer yoga pants. Every day I slip in and pretend I'm just like them.

But my yoga pants aren't "wunder unders" or "astro pants". They're a rare style, called The TJ Maxx Seven Dollar Crop. They come complete with two holes in the thigh.

Whenever I see another pair of eyes meet mine in the mirror, I know what they're thinking. Why doesn't her tank top have the same logo everyone else's has? She doesn't belong here. SECURITY!! 

I'll tell you why my tank top doesn't have a logo, yogi mcjudgey eyes. When I read on the internet that Costco was selling no-name brand workout tops for $12 that were supposedly lululemon overstock, I immediately called my sister, a proud Costco member, and made her buy some. Can I get back to my vriksasana now?


It's hard living with my secret. But I get by, one sun salutation at a time.

6 comments:

  1. I've never taken a single yoga class largely because of this. I would get judged hard.

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  2. Oye I would definitely feel their eyes burning in the back of my head. Have you ever tried Bikram yoga? I'm pretty sure I would pass out within 5 minutes and interrupt everyone, but I've only heard great things - once you get over the extreme heat!

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  3. Agreed!! I wear Target clothes to yoga and feel the same way.

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  4. and did you really throw em and wear the target boots you sent me for too?!

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  5. Wait. When did Costco have Lululemon shirts? I want!

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  6. my uber pricy posh studio is partners with lululemon.... its like a unspoken rule you have to wear it... which i dont

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