Wednesday, March 13, 2013

beer & consequences

One day last month, Y accusingly pointed out that I needed to post in my blog.

"Give me something to write about," I retorted.

He delivered, but I kind of wish he hadn't

See, Y's new hobby is brewing beer.

His other hobby is not taking out the trash... which is actually a hobby we share.

On this particular day, Y was brewing a new batch, resulting in discarded hops filling our trash can. 

We left the house soon after for dinner and drinks at Marvel Bar, which I'm pretty sure is the hipster capital of the world. I mean, only a bar catering to hipsters would have an unmarked, underground entrance and serve the most delicious, well thought out cocktails made with liquor you have to Google, and then offer just one, blissfully ironic food item: Cheetos. 

ANYWAY. Back to the story of how Y almost killed our dog. 

Yep, that's what this story is about. When we returned home from our night of craft cocktails and Cheetos and found garbage strewn around the kitchen, we didn't think twice. We always take out the trash when there's food in the bag, and Ike is surprisingly skilled at detecting the difference between food and not food. We assumed he just moved some paper towels around with his snout and buried a loaf of bread

But later that night, as I got into bed, Ike began panting uncontrollably. And, just like when you're not sure of the liquor you're about to order, when you're not sure what the f is wrong with your dog, you google that shit. Here are the things that can cause your dog to pant uncontrollably:

1. pain
2. cardiac arrest 

My smart and discerning readers will understand by now that Ike was poisoned by Y's hops. So at three in the morning, we sped to our nearest emergency vet, where 4 notable things happened:

1. The vet injected Ike with fluids that caused him to have a terrifying hunchback.

2. The vet told us Ike would be okay, and that it was probably the pitbull in him that saved him. Apparently, hops are insanely toxic to some breeds ("A greyhound will look at hops and die"), but pitbull isn't one of them.

3. The vet googled Y's name, found out that he was a resident, and proceeded to speak in Medicine-ese and ignore me the rest of the visit. 

4. The vet told us we had to take Ike's temp rectally every hour for the rest of the night, and I traded in my "THIS WAS YOUR FAULT card" and went to sleep.

And that's why you always leave a note take out the trash.


  1. oh my goodness I would have freaked out! Glad to hear Ike is ok - how scary that little hump looks! Hopefully it went down quickly!
    And I would have totally traded in that card.

  2. Yikes! I never knew hops were poisonous to dogs. I'm surprised this hasn't happened to us, between two batches of beer & a hound mutt who eats anything in the world. Thanks for sharing, we've already had a close death involving fish hooks (where I most certainly pulled the "it's your fault" card).

    1. omg! fish hooks - that's terrifying. Now that's all I'm going to be worrying about all summer, thanks!!! :)

  3. We had a teenager (totally trustworthy) who'd never had a pet before petsit for us. I started a list of things that are toxic to pets and it went on and on and on and on...
    I didn't include hops, but I did include yeast. And the usual chocolate, raisins/grapes, most nuts, etc. etc.
    Everything was fine, though, thankfully.

    The fluid hump always cracked me up when I worked at a vet clinic. Especially the ones who walk around with it like it's nothing, and it's all wobbling all over their back as it absorbs. I'm so glad Ike's okay, though- that's terrifying!

    1. haha I would do the same thing... if I trusted anyone enough to watch my dog. I'm going to be the craziest parent ever.

  4. Frightening. Am I the only one who thinks it's creepy that your vet googled Y's name?

    1. you are not. I thought it was a little odd. I think she just saw that he worked in a hospital and wanted someone to talk medical to at 3 in the morning.

  5. lol but still glad it ended well! Guess we'll keep the whippets away from the hops ;)

  6. I second the weirdness in the googling of Y's name. Also - what is it with medical people and brewing beer? My husband does too, along with several of his classmates. It must be the chemistry aspect. Or the beer drinking aspect.

  7. D - I haven't seen or talked to you in years. Okay, decades. Because of this, when I read your blog, I feel like an outsider looking in, like I am watching reality television. Thus, you, Y, and Ike are like celebrities to me. Your cute and tasteful fashion and keen ability to replicate Pinterest ideas, Y's extreme intelligence and wise-looking beard, Ike's knack for posing when his photo is taken and his obedience to only sleep on your comforter and not on the sheets: all of these things lead me to hold you and your family on a pedestal.

    That being said, when I read this post, it made me feel a little bit better about my life. Ike digs food out of the trash can. YES!

    He's still a famous dog to me :)