Tuesday, August 13, 2013

hanson at the state fair: a special guest post

Today I have a really special treat for you. I've been waiting for the right time to have this person guest post, and I love what she came up with so much that it might become a regular feature.

This month I'm seeing a concert, an artist whose name usually elicits the reaction Um, why? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to convince people why it's so important for me to go to this concert. Eventually, I realized that today's guest blogger is the only one in the world who can put into words why I'm seeing Hanson in a few weeks.

Introducing... 12 year old D. 

Hi readers! Before we get started, I just have to tell you how disappointed I am. You see, I consider myself a great observer of the human condition, and I've noticed that all of the popular kids have a green anorak. So, this weekend I begged my mom to take me to the Gap and we purchased my very own green anorak. I felt like a new woman when I hung it in my closet, guys. On Monday, I jumped off the bus waiting for my legions of fans to crowd around me and invite me to their birthday parties, but...nothing. Nothing. I'm back to square one here. Any tips? AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SNORT MARIJUANA?

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about anoraks. 

I'm here to talk about yellow doc marten boots. About blonde, ponytailed drummers. That's right... I'm here to talk about Zac Hanson and how Future D is going to be breathing the same Minnesota air as the drummer of my dreams.

I never saw this coming, guys. I mean, first of all, what the heck am I doing in Minnesota? And secondly -- most importantly -- why am I a mere audience member? I must have made some bad life choices along the way if I'm not married to Zac Hanson in 2013. I'm doing everything right:

+ My walls are plastered with Hanson posters courtesy of Bop Magazine. If the brothers Hanson saw my bedroom, they would know just how devoted I am. What's that? You noticed my poster of Dawson and Pacey? That's just there ironically. Just to show how gross they are compared to Hanson.

+ I have declared my love on my Geocities page. 

+ I own Hanson's documentary, Tulsa, Tokyo and the Middle of Nowhere. I'm positive that in 2013, Future D is watching that VHS each and every night on her spaceship. I also taped their appearance on the Weird Al Yankovich show and watched it over and over again. If that's not dedication, I can't tell you what is. 

+ I know absolutely nothing about Louisiana history. Huey P. who? 

This is relevant because it was right around the time I started taking Louisiana History that some genius published Tulsa 74132 on the internet. For those of you not in the know, Tulsa 74132 is the ultimate Hanson fan fiction. It must be as long, if not longer than that thick new book about the boy wizard with the glasses. Tulsa 74132 is better though.. it will truly stand the test of time. 

Anyway, my friends L, T and I have Louisiana History together 3rd period, and each day one of us brings in a new chapter. We have a big binder that we put it in so it looks like we're doing work. If I didn't live in the capitol of Louisiana, I probably wouldn't know what it was. But Hanson is way more important. When will I ever need to know any of this Louisiana stuff? (editor's note: Sometimes I think the entire state of Minnesota was reading Hanson fan fiction when they were supposed to be learning state capitols. I would say that most people here have no idea what "Baton Rouge" is.)

Here's the bottom line: There is nothing else on this earth I love more than Hanson (family is automatically excluded from these kinds of blanket statements, everyone knows that). I'm making a pact with myself right now, that if I ever pass up the opportunity to see Hanson, I will literally never forgive myself. Thank you for your time. Don't forget to weigh in on the anorak situation. 

Peace, love, and happiness! And yin yangs. Oh boy, do I love yin yangs. 

--1997 D


So you see? My former self would kill me if I didn't go to this concert. I can't have that on my conscious. 

P.S. I soon bought a second anorak. It looked like this. It didn't help. 


  1. As a former (current?!) diehard Hanson fan, this spoke to my soul. I have not thought about Tulsa 74132 in probably a good decade. And those yellow Doc Martens really were the coolest. Those were the days!!

  2. BAHAHA this is great! I too was obsessed with Hanson. They randomly came and played at Tulane one afternoon a couple of years ago (in the middle of the week) and I couldn't go because I was busy running experiments. I felt like I may have missed my only chance!

  3. I'm not ashamed to say that I will also be attending the FREE Hanson concert. Like you, my former 12 year old self would be so displeased if I didn't.


    The Future Mrs. Taylor Hanson

  4. amazing. i had no idea they were coming to the state fair this year. good for you...you should go as much as you want. no need to make excuses!!! i would for sure go see the jets if they came back! ;)

  5. This is amazing. I too was obsessed with Hanson. And I thought i was superior to all those girls who liked "boy bands" because Hanson actually played instruments. Clearly we were. Have fun at the showw!!

  6. I will also be at the Hanson show. UNASHAMED! I actually saw them in Vegas a few years ago. They are a fine wine, better with age.

  7. Hysterical D. I went to a Backstreet Boys concert a few months ago and let me tell you, it's still just as fun as an adult to see your former teen idols. Enjoy!

  8. Probably one of your best posts. And that's saying a lot because all your posts are epic funny stuff. Are you going to the happy hour next Tues in Mtka?

  9. My 12 year old self would have hated your 12 year old seld for stealing my future husband :) I too will be seeing Hanson at the State Fair in a few weeks!