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Last Friday night, I went to the University of Minnesota's homecoming concert to see Passion Pit. Here, a few of the thoughts that went through my head as I was driving through campus:
That girl is wearing a crop top. How embarrassing for her.
This concert doesn't start until NINE THIRTY? That's so late.
I can hear the opening act from inside my car. THAT IS TOO LOUD.
And a few more thoughts while walking from my car to the stadium:
Why are all the guys wearing tank tops?
Another crop top? Weird.
Another crop top? Weird.
Ugh, the music is even louder now.
Holy shit, they're ALL wearing crop tops!
Once we entered the stadium...
OMG I just realized... when I was in Forever 21 the other day and thought to myself, who would wear this shit? It's THESE girls!
How are so many of these girls crop top ready? Isn't every meal in college free pizza? Is there no Taco Bell on this campus?
OMG the opening act just said the word "pussy". Doesn't he know these kids were born in the NINETIES?! Cover your ears, little ones!
I feel like maybe I should cut off half of my shirt?
Just before the band started, as 90s music was playing over the speakers...
Fantasy by Mariah Carey is on and you're all ignoring it! You people wouldn't know good pop music if it hit you over the head. Was anyone in this stadium even alive when this song came out?! HELLO OUT THERE?!
And as Passion Pit played...
Should I leave early to avoid traffic?
These drunk people are way too close to me. If I get vomit on me I might die.
The girls behind me making fun of my friends' and my dancing are making me feel really good about life. At least they aren't wearing crop tops.
Ugh, SOMEONE needs to stop blowing weed in my face.
Oooh... even if there is traffic, I have a great audiobook in the car. Maybe I should just leave early and listen to my audiobook.
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Can someone please explain to me how I can possibly feel so old? Last night I dreamed that Aziz Ansari had a crush on me; I knew this because I saw his notebook, which said Daci is hot. MY BRAIN IS TWELVE.
Haha! I feel old allllll the time. I was at a volunteer event this weekend, and most of the other volunteers were still in high school. This one kid and I were talking and he asked me what I like to do on the weekends: "like, go to bars or parties?" And I was like, "No, dude, I'm old. I like to be asleep by 11." He tried to pretend that I wasn't old, but I know better. And yeah, those of us born before the 90s already experienced one crop top phase, and knew it didn't work out too well. That's why we can't get on board! That's also why I can't wear leggings - it reminds me too much of being in the fourth grade.
ReplyDeleteUm, this is me at every single concert/sporting event/party. So old and uncool! I've also seen the crop tops making the rounds in the South. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh, this made me laugh out loud. i think the same things...even though i feel like i'm in my 20s, when i see stuff like crop tops, i immediately feel old!
ReplyDeleteHaaaa, I'm dying over this! We went to Taras's college homecoming last weekend so he could do an alumni swim event and I said at least twelve times "I'm too old for this"!
ReplyDeleteTHIS!!!!!! DID YOU GET IN MY BRAIN?! No really. I am dying.
ReplyDeleteBut really..how is anyone crop top ready?! I don't understand it.
You not old....you're becoming Minnesotan. I know. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference. The day after tuition is due for the first semester _after_ you graduate, these thought slowly leak into your subconscious. The Cotton Jersey with a Touch of Spandex curtain is dropping, forever separating you from a crop top.
ReplyDeleteA few friends and I went to a Matchbox 20 concert last month, and I had almost all of these same thoughts!
ReplyDeleteNot sure when I got so old....
I would have totally been with you on all of these things. My husband loves Passion Pit, but there is no way I could be paid enough to go to a college campus concert to see them. I know what I did in college... I don't need to watch other people make similarly bad choices. Unless there is a Slip 'n' slide involved. In that case, hooray for bad choices!
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing... I guess this means I was ALWAYS old. Going out at 9:30? I think not. Avoiding traffic? Yes, please.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite thing from this post is at first I thought you meant to write "who would wear this shirt" when you said "who would wear this shit" - and then I laughed because the words are kind of interchangeable when it comes to F21 crop tops.
I go through the same thought process. Working on a university campus I have some of the same thoughts daily. Going to football games, multiply that by 100. I really do feel like I've gone from 25 to 50 in two years. Heck, I know some 50 year olds that act more "cool" than we do.
ReplyDeleteNine thirty is late, man!
ReplyDelete