Worst. Christmas. Ever.

{A follow up to this post}

oops.

You guys.

Today at work I realized I had accidentally dressed like a mime.

Who does that??

D 1, Y 0

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. I don't know why this is true for other people, but for us, it's because of all the very important fights we have.

The other night we were watching Olympic short track skating and we were at each other's throats by the end of this conversation.

Me: Speed skaters have huge thighs.

Y: This isn't speed skating.

Me: What is this?

Y: Short track skating.

Me: Are they not skating fast? It's speed skating!

Y: No. It's short track.

Me: Fine. Is this slow skating? Medium skating?

Y: It's just called short track! Speed skating is entirely different.

Announcer: Welcome back to Olympic Short track speed skating!

Y: FINE.

Or take this past weekend's blowout, when Y told me that the song I made up about Ike while we were washing dishes didn't make sense.

It takes two to make an Ike go right...

What about that doesn't make sense?! This led to a heated discussion about whether or not the original song even made sense. It was intense. And yes, we (okay, I) sing songs about our dog while we do chores. Deal with it. And just try not to get Puppyrazzi stuck in your head. Just try.

I could go on for days. There was the time Y laughed in my face when I told him I was trying out for American Idol the next time they came to Shreveport. Or the time I woke him up in the middle of the night because I was having an especially vivid dream that the fan above us was about to crash into my head and he whined for months about the 30 seconds of beauty sleep I had cost him.

Or what about the fact that Y constantly speaks ill of my childhood dog because he peed on Y ONCE.

Cinnamon was a saint, Y. A saint.

It's gotten so bad that I couldn't write this post without getting into a fight with Y. For some reason, he was trying to explain the "Christmas tree" method of filling out a scantron to a friend, and made this image:

I glanced over and, out of the kindness of my heart, commented {rightly so, don't you think?} that his picture looked nothing like a Christmas tree. We are no longer speaking.

whale + weapon

I just finished reading this book:

Apparently this makes me qualified to do what I've always dreamed of doing: creating a logo for Y's ebay username: Beluga Torpedo, selected by the random word generator. His vision: a combination beluga and torpedo. (Oh come on, can you come up with something better?)

I'm pretty much a professional now, so I'll henceforth refer to Mr. Beluga Torpedo as The Client. The Client was pleased with the final product, and because he is actually married to me {the extensively trained designer} he offered no payment. Instead, he had a decal made of the design and stuck it to his laptop for all to see -- the ultimate honor.

So the next time you're in the final stretch, mere moments away from winning your auction only to have it snatched from your very grasp at the last possible second, look around. Beluga Torpedo is always watching.

the odd couple

Some girls say it's hard for them to deal with their new husbands' sloppiness. I have to say, I didn't have that problem.

Before you ask, I have no clue why I have a picture of my messy

room circa 2005. I guess I knew I would need it for my future blog?

I think I've done a pretty good job reforming myself since then, and Y and I are the perfect cleaning team. When he cleans, he goes for the germs. When I clean, I make sure everything looks pretty. (See previous entry about the branch in the bathroom. Y probably scrubbed that branch with disinfectant and then put it back on the floor, whereas I might have put the branch in the trash, fluffed the towels and left the residue from a used q-tip on the sink.)

I prefer my motto: What? Salmonella? But look how nicely those jars are lined up!

far more than Y's motto: Yay! A germ free bathroom floor!

that would be his underwear... 5 minutes before we had people over.

better than a crazy cat lady, right??

You may have noticed a pattern here at Just D and Y. I try really, really hard to have at least 2 posts between each post about Ike, lest you think I'm a crazy dog lady.  

But something happened last night, something that made me realize I need to embrace the crazy dog lady I've become.

I tucked Ike in.

It was COLD, okay?!?!

when boredom strikes, bake.

I had a problem yesterday -- there was nothing to do. I get twitchy when there's nothing to do; I need some sort of project.

So like any normal person with an entire day to herself and a hint of southern Louisiana homesickness, I decided to make a king cake.

I was promised by the commenters on allrecipes.com (who all swear they are THE most qualified to determine king cake authenticity based on number of years living in New Orleans) that this recipe was the real deal, and I pretty much agree. It definitely tasted more like a king cake than North Louisiana's version (which, while delicious, is NOT a king cake. I know. I lived within 70 miles of New Orleans for over 10 years).

On the off chance you're like me and find yourself thinking, "Why sit in front of the tv all day when I can spend hours making something I can easily find at any local bakery?", then this 20 year old Southern Living recipe is most definitely for you, provided you live in Louisiana and it's ~40 days before Easter.

I'll leave you with this vintage Mardi Gras picture, because I love embarrassing people... especially myself (I'm on the left). I distinctly remember showing our hairdresser a picture of Jessica Simpson and believing she could make me look just like her with a bunch of hairspray and a $1 gold headband. I think it worked!

...That was sarcasm. I need some really ugly high waisted jeans to make that happen.

Happy Mardi Gras!

Y thinks Valentine's Day is stupid...

...and I'm beginning to see his point. I mean, how romantic is a holiday where gifts are purchased as an afterthought to getting gas?

"Because nothing says I love you like a giant stuffed banana..." - Y

Even so, I'm a fan of any excuse to celebrate. And when your dog has a heart on his back, well, you just have to make a Valentine's card. My cynical husband just doesn't get one.

Happy Valentine's Day!

If you're wondering, his markings aren't that perfect. I did photoshop him just a little. But there is no denying, that is most definitely a heart.

In honor of Valentine's Day

We've been married for almost 8 months, and I think in that time, we've taken some pictures that really capture the love in this house.

unusually large snowstorm.

It's snowing! A lot! If you didn't know, I live in Louisiana so this is Kind Of A Big Deal.

Here's the view from my office:


What? Not helpful? Fine.

I'm going to have nightmares about this deserted golf course...

We walked to a local diner for breakfast for some comfort food: BUTTER.

FIRE STATION CLEARANCE!

{ a follow up to this post }

randomosity

Yeah, I know - 2 blogs in a row with a wedding picture. You probably think I'm sitting at my computer in my wedding dress, staring blankly at my pictures while stuffing frozen wedding cake in my mouth. You might be right. Or you might not. I'll just let you imagine.

Regardless, I was inspired to post that picture by something I read yesterday in Glamour magazine's "What men are really thinking" feature.

Sidenote: I'm tempted to give up on Glamour. How many ways are there to say that whole grain bread is better than white bread? That runway styles can be adapted to real life? That your significant other doesn't care about cellulite and ps there is no cure but a tan can make it less obvious but omg not a real tan our MD says so. But I can't stop reading it. Pretty. Pictures. Must. Buy.

Anyway, men were asked what they were thinking as their future bride walked down the aisle and I'm pretty sure Lorin from Sacramento and I share a brain.

"Well, I'm Jewish and Kristen is Asian and Jewish, so it occurred to me that when we have kids, we should definitely have dumplings at their bar mitzvahs."

I mean, not that I thought that as I walked down the aisle. But you should HEAR some of the similar stuff that my brain comes up with, at the most inopportune moments. Maybe one day I'll share. But not until after my frozen wedding cake, thanks.

wifely duties

If you were at our wedding, you might remember our ketubah (marriage contract):




Do you see that bolded line near the top? It says, in English, learn how to make chicken soup.







Okay, fine, it says my name in Hebrew. But it might as well say that somewhere, in some kind of guide to being a Jewish wife.

I just got a cookbook from the fabulous Mother's, a restaurant in Portland where we ate the best matzah ball soup and challah french toast for lunch. Their recipe for chicken soup seemed like a legit place to start.

But wait.

Did you know you have to hold a raw chicken to make chicken soup? A whole chicken? GROSS. The only experience I have ever had with one of those suckers was to know that you should grab as many as you can when you are a contestant on Supermarket Sweep.

Anyway, despite my disgust for meat in the same shape it was when it breathed, I forged on. And it was not pretty - the chicken, or my face.




Worth it? Yes. Mother's chef Lisa Schroder's chicken soup recipe here.

two word Sunday.

WHO. DAT.

cupcake & cookie recipes

Not only did this mark our first time actually caring about the Super Bowl game, it marked our first time DVRing the Puppy Bowl.


Totally worth the two hours of precious DVR space.

excuses for rarely leaving the house

1. http://www.asseeninshreveport.com. It's a scary, scary world out there.

2.
3.
4.

dandy math skillz

Have you seen what they're planning to do to Monopoly?



Blasphemy.

I remember when the current electronic banking version of Monopoly came out, Y and I rolled our eyes and said something the effect of, No cash? No math? These kids are going to grow up without the math skills of our generation.

Well. Let me tell you a little story.

A few weeks ago, we decided to play Monopoly - the old geezer version. I crushed Y, ending the game with thousands of dollars. He had to give me Boardwalk, mortgage all of his properties, and ended up with maybe $2. All this because I owned both of the utilities.

"If both utilities are owned, rent is 10 times amount shown on dice."

This isn't fair, Y whined as he forked over $1200 after rolling a 12. And again, after having to pay $500 after rolling a 5. The game lasted about 15 minutes. It was amazing because a) I have NEVER won monopoly and b) I've never seen anyone win so FAST. I was pretty sure I had uncovered some kind of secret real estate strategist talent and needed to change careers asap.

Fast forward to maybe a week later. Ask Y, I constantly have random thoughts that come out of nowhere that I verbalize to him. Anyone else would think I was crazy, Y tolerates them for some reason. That day's random thought:

Me: "Um. Y... what's 10 x 12?"
Y: "120. Why?"
Me: ....
Y....
Me:....
Y: ARE YOU F@!*ing KIDDING ME!? I KNEW I WASN'T THAT BAD AT MONOPOLY!!

Apparently, having the manual version of Monopoly does nothing for your math skills, and we formally retract our statements directed toward Monopoly 2.0.

this post is not funny.

The weather this morning was dreary and gross, which immediately made me think of Ireland. I know you're jealous -- not many people can say dreary and gross remind them of their honeymoon.



I'm still looking for the perfect souvenir from Ireland - I pretty much gave up while we were there. I wasn't in the market for any leprechaun or sheep paraphernalia, the shamrock stuff was overdone and cheap, and I don't like Guiness.

Funnily enough, you don't actually have to go anywhere to find cool stuff to remind you of foreign lands. Due to my recent blog addiction, I've been coming across some really cool art celebrating different cities and countries. Annnd... I want it all.

http://truche.etsy.com can make these "I heart ___" necklaces for any city, state, or country. I'm going to need Ireland, Oregon, and Louisiana, to start.

JHill Design not only has these "A Toast To ___" prints as seen above (I think my favorite is England), they also have this modern world map that I would love to use as a "here's where we've been" board, I just don't think I could bear to stick pins in it.



JHill design also has city prints like the one above for over 40 cities. I love Austin, Rome, Portland, and Pittsburgh. I can't wait to see what they come up with for New Orleans.

Ireland isn't represented here (yet).. and I have no idea if these are even for sale, but I love these Google Street View sketches.

Ork Posters has a select few neighborhood prints, which I like, but they also have the heart and the brain for Yoni's Weird Science Prints collection.


And finally, I just learned about David Klein, the artist who did the TWA ads from the 50's and 60s'. Some of these, like Israel, are available as posters from art.com.


And since I feel like I owe my 12 followers (8 of whom are Yoni's alter egos) a funny story, I'll leave you with this recycled post from our travel blog.